Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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