We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
