So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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