i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
