Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
