I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
