how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
