I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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