So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
