Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
