can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
