I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
