That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
