Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
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