I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
