Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
