o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
