So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
