just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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