I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
