the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
