he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
