This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
