I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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