when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
