Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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