I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
