I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
