Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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