well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
