remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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