seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
