dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
