Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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