I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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