Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
