If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
