Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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