Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
