If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
