Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
