If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
