Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
