sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
