just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
