There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
