those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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