Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
