i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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