Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
