I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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