I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
