Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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