He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
