It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
