but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
