Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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