Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
