She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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