I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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