How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My life is pants optional.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
