I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
